Is this what I want?

Do you ever wonder if you are actually going to be any good at your chosen field? For some reason today I started questioning my ability to be a physician. I'm not sure exactly what was different about today, but I just felt incredibly incompetent. I started Infectious Disease today which has the potential to be very interesting. I went to see new consults today like I have on every other consult service I've been on. I look up the patient's info, go see the patient and then report to my attending physician. I can't think of anything all that different about today that would provoke this feeling in me. It makes me think that this feeling of inadequacy has been increasing over time like some insidious slow growing cancer.

It makes me wonder if I have really chosen the right profession. I had decided I wanted to be a doctor when I was pretty young and have been running down that path every since. My family and friends have always said that I will make an excellent doc some day and I have to wonder if I didn't keep pursuing this because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I started undergrad with a biochemistry/molecular biology major. Sometime sophomore year I decided to add a business major to the mix. I always said it was my "backup plan" but secretly I wondered if I shouldn't start down that road instead. Instead I just finished them both. I took the MCAT, applied to medical school and was accepted to a few. This solidified my plan and medicine is where I ended up. Sometimes I wonder though if I wouldn't have been happier in business. As masochistic as it sounds I had a fascination with the tax system. I probably would have ended up owning a tax accounting business for individuals and small businesses.

Well, I think I need some sleep. I'm exhausted and need to be at the VA early tomorrow morning for an ID conference. I have never been there before and have no idea how long it will take to get there during rush hour traffic. I think the conference is only for the morning and then back to my hospital in the afternoon to see patients. With a little luck tomorrow I won't feel quite so inadequate.