Beauty

I just finished watching Gray's anatomy. Yes, a guilty pleasure. Damn, Sara Ramirez is hot. If I were to ever fall for a women she would definitely be the one. She looks ever better in surgical scrubs.

First one down

I had my interview today. It went very well. We spent the morning getting an overview of the program, touring the hospital, going to working and attending rounds, attending morning report and the noon conference. The afternoon consisted of 2 half hour interviews. Both went well. The first was more or less to get a feel for what I was looking for in a program and how I would fit into the culture of the hospital. The second was more focused on my application, but we ended up talking about random things like running and boating. I loved the program and I'm pretty sure that they liked me. I still can't say exactly where I will rank them since I haven't gone anywhere else yet, but I'm fairly certain that they will rank me high enough so that if I rank them #1 or #2 I should get in there.

I was originally concerned about the fact that this is a community hospital rather than a university based hospital. I am planning on doing a fellowship in gastroenterology after residency. This is increasingly becoming a very competitive fellowship. From what I've heard, if you want a competitive fellowship like GI or cards, you need to attend a university based program. This program has actually placed their residents very well into both GI and cards and are great about allowing their interns to start research which is almost unheard of at community hospitals. I really can't rule out this program at all, and after learning about the program and talking to the residents, it may actually be the program to beat.

Tangentially, I left for my interview this morning at 6:55. I never know about traffic in this city, it can be great one day and then horrible the next. I was expecting a 45 minute drive and ended up with a 25 minute drive. Anyway, as I was leaving the apartment, I saw a guy out running in the cold. Usually not something I would notice, except that it was only 6 degrees and the wind was bitter. Windchill was -11. Despite that I actually love living here. Without the wind it is actually very refreshing to step outside into the cold. It could be 0 degrees and still be very nice as long as there is no wind. When it comes down to it, I really love living here.

The big day approaches

Tomorrow is my first residency interview. It is at a hospital here in town, one of the three possible programs. It's surprising, but I'm not nervous at all right now. I'm sure something will kick in about 6:30 tomorrow morning as I am contemplating leaving. I haven't really prepared at all, I'm not sure there is anything to prepare for. I start at 8:00 and the interview runs until about 3:00 or so. I'm not sure exactly what to expect, but lots of tours and presentations I would guess. They want to try and convince us to come to their program.

I was able to get my mind off of everything for awhile tonight which was great. A couple friends were coming to my end of town for a show and wanted to go out for supper beforehand. We went to a restaurant called Cosetta's. I'm not sure if it is a chain or just a local place. If it is local, the rest of the world is missing out. This place has amazing pizza and pasta, I can't think of a time I've had better. Parking was a disaster though, I got off the freeway only to find that the street was parking lot. 10 minutes later after going about 1/2 mile I realized that there was a hockey game downtown tonight. I ended up parking 6 blocks away and walking in the 17 degree weather (2 with the windchill). There was no way I was going to pay $20 to park for a $10 meal. My ears and cheeks were nice and red when I finally made it into the restaurant.

The whole thing was worth it though. 2 of my friends went to their show and I hung out and talked with the other for a good 2 hours or so. Nothing better to forget about the fact that you have an important interview coming up the next day. I think tomorrow will go well. I'll get to see if the nazi diet/exercise plan I went on will allow me to wear my suit pants for 8 hours. It should be a good day.

I hate wearing pants

So my first residency interview is on Thursday. I decided to bust out my suit this evening, something I should have done quite a bit earlier. I bought this suit for a college prom type of thing when I was a freshman back in the day. I'm talking about 7 years here. I tried it on tonight and the results are not good. The pants fit but are too tight. I'm going to have permanent lines around my waist after wearing that damn thing for 8 hours. Apparently I should have tried it on about 4 weeks ago when I could have had a fighting chance at losing a little weight. I went back on my health kick yesterday, I have been rather lax over the past 2 months or so. I'm sure that was a large part of the problem. I have a new goal, my pants will fit better by my second interview one week from tomorrow.

It's supposed to snow this week. Thank God for treadmills.

Thinking

I hung out with a few friends last evening decorating for Christmas. Well, I basically just sat around and talked with 2 others and the 3 of us watched the 4th decorate for Christmas, but close enough. One of my good friends from high school apparently is really into the Christmas spirit. His wife basically tolerates it and stays out of the way while everything is going up. I did help with the tree a bit, but that was only to help straighten the dang thing out. It was leaning about 30 degrees to one side making it look quite sad.

This is the same group that I have spent a fair amount of time with in the past few months, so my sort of pseudo girl friend was there as well. She and I went out for Chinese while the other two went out with the family for a birthday. Then we all reconvened at the house to finish putting up the tree. I am conflicted at the moment about what I should do. I love doing things like this with this group of friends but I feel like I'm lying to them every time we get together. Part of me does not want to tell this girl what is going on because I am worried that I am going to lose this. A much larger part of me realizes that this is incredibly selfish and is a totally inappropriate way to think. Sure, they all might be hurt when they find out, this girl especially, but I don't think that they will cut me out of their lives completely. I might have to endure spending quite a bit less time with them for awhile, but that is the price I have to pay for doing what I've done.

Am I overreacting? Are people really going to freak out and be pissed at me as much as I am expecting? I almost feel as though my fears are irrational, yet I can't seem to get rid of them.

I am contemplating telling her this weekend. Just writing that has almost doubled my heart rate. I'm not sure I am actually ready yet, but if I think too much about it I doubt I will every feel truly ready. I've been thinking some about the timing. A couple weeks ago it was her birthday, this past week was thanksgiving. We now have 4 weeks until Christmas. I feel as though I need to do this before Christmas and I really can't wait too much longer otherwise I'll have to worry about another holiday. I'm not sure exactly what to do. Anyone?

Man, the things I get myself into.

Frozen!

I woke up this morning and the lake we live on is completely frozen over! It's weird to look out the window and not see waves. I was just admiring the water yesterday. It was perfectly calm so you could see an amazing reflection of the clouds and trees. It was even more beautiful with the orange and red sunset reflecting off the water later in the day.


I love the water. In the past couple years I have realized how lucky and spoiled I was growing up. We've lived on a lake for almost as long as I can remember. I love sitting in my favorite chair in the sun room, just staring out the window at the lake. The waves are mesmerizing. It's also spectacular on calm days to see the reflections and then watch how they are disrupted when a duck swims by and creates a small wake behind it.

We also had a cabin about half an hour away where we would go to actually play on the water. That was a bigger lake and once in awhile we would actually see white caps. My family has a lot of great memories at the cabin. It's where we went to unwind and spend time together as a family. We never brought a TV out there so it was either be in or on the water or play games together. We could spend hours swimming, tubing, water skiing and jet skiing.

Living in the city, in an apartment, the water is what I miss most. It's always a treat for me to come home and enjoy the lake again. I'm certain that no matter where I end up it will have to be within view of water of some sort. Whether it will be river, lake or ocean I'm not certain - though probably not ocean since I'm quite attached to this state and we are about as far away from ocean as is possible in this country. I just love the water too much to not have it nearby.

Relaxing and productive

It's been a pretty good day after Thanksgiving.

I've managed to catch up on some sleep, relax and actually get a fair amount accomplished. I woke up this morning at 8:15, which is sleeping in for me. I turned on the tv to start a day of football. Yes it was the high school prep bowl (state championship), which means something like 14 hours of football. I had it on in the background the entire day and saw a fair number of pretty amazing plays, including one of my cousins who returned an interception 55 yards for a touchdown.

I reformatted my old computer so I can give it to my pastor's family. It will be nice to get the beast out of the house, at least for my mom's sake. I stuffed a bunch of envelopes for my mom. She helps with a group for her church that sends out a mailing every once in awhile. I washed a few loads of laundry, cleaned up my old room a bit and managed to read a few pages in a book I'm slowly getting through.

It's nice to be a bum once in awhile.

Tomorrow I will head back toward home. I'm stopping off at a friends house for the afternoon/evening but then back to the apartment. I really do enjoy being at home, but I can only hang around without going crazy for so long. The next time I come home it will be for an entire week at Christmas. Both of my sisters will be home at the same time though, which will make the entire week fantastic. The have both moved recently to another state, luckily the same one, so we don't spend as much time together anymore as we would like. That makes the little time we do get that much better.

I feel like I should be heading back to the hospital tomorrow, but the weekend is just beginning. It doesn't get much better!

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm heading home for Thanksgiving. The traffic has officially cleared from the road so the trip shouldn't be too bad (1.5 hours). We are having company tomorrow so I figure I should head home tonight and help my mom clean up and get things ready.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday.

Someday

The description is true, but basically I just liked the photo

Take the quiz:
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Uh, not good

My poor roommate.

She was proposed to today. This is very bad. Poor girl actually got physically ill. The worst part is it all happened at work.

She had seen this guy a few times back in July/August. They went on a few dates but things were not going to work out. He was in town for the summer and was living with his brother. That would be okay. However, he had no job and had no interest in getting one. Mom paid his rent and sent him money for everything else. He was on an SSRI and wanted to drink like a fish. Not a good combination. He was totally obsessed with her, calling incessantly.

Before the end of summer he moved back to Oklahoma for school. This was a great thing from both of our viewpoints. He still called once in awhile, but she could decide to answer or just ignore him. There was really no future, or so she thought.

Then the guy proposes. What the fucking hell? Out of the blue he text messages her. 1. "Call if you are up" 2. "I want to ask you cuz you are the only one who has actually went for and kept at the real me, the person inside me, underneath, serious." 3. " You are the only one, I never felt this way before, it seriously could work, because I am genuine, and committed to make sure you feel alike." 4. " Am I too late realizing everything?" 5. "It's a miracle how fate has led us to this point where love can blossom between two souls and become one, Yours, Matt." 6. " Do you know, can you think, how nice it will be and how good it will feel, us together, in each other's arms, not in different states? I do." Somewhere amongst all the text messages he called and said he got into a fight with his mom about how he had to move back here to ask her a question. " I am just wondering if you want to marry me?"

He apparently was "told by God" that he was supposed to marry my roommate. Well, I have someone to hook you up with dude. My ex told me after I broke up with her that "God told me that we were supposed to get married, so even though we are breaking up now, I know that you will come back to me before long." Uh, yeah. Sorry, God told me that I was supposed to let you go. Good luck with the wishful thinking. Sorry, I digress.

So, as my roommate was throwing up in the parking lot she had to contemplate how to get rid of this miserable bastard in her life. Good thing he doesn't know where we live, or the actually city we live in. So, things will get better. You have to love the drama.

Tomorrow is Monday

Tomorrow means more sick people in the hospital. More things to learn. It's all part of the package. My teacher friends have to work Monday and Tuesday and get the rest of the week off. Good for them, they certainly deserve it.

I experienced atomic bowling for the first time ever on Friday night. 8 of us rented a lane for a friend's birthday. We had a great time bowling and drinking. There is something about the combination of beer, music, black lights, great friends and a bowling alley that makes a night great. We started bowling at 10:00 pm and finished up about 12:30, even though we had the lane until 1:30. Blue moon is probably my new favorite beer. We had a keg of it back at my friend's end of summer bash, you know, with the infamous make out session. I hadn't had any since then, but man it is good stuff.

Today we had Quazzi Thanksgiving at my friends' house. It was a roommate thing for them while they were at undergrad, but they will invite "outsiders" as well. That would be me as we went to different undergrads. We had some wine, ate dinner, played Catch Phrase and then talked quite a bit. We had a great afternoon/evening. One of my friends' friends came and brought his boyfriend. This was my first experience with an actual gay couple. They looked incredibly good together, definitely a cute couple. They were each pretty damn cute in their own right. It was nice to see a happy couple like that. They are about my age as well, we are all in that 25/26 age range.

I'm actually starting to look forward to the day when I start telling people I am gay so I can have that. I think that right now I am delaying actually finding a boyfriend simply because no one knows. I don't want to have him live in the closet for me, I don't think that would be fair. Once I start letting my friends know however, that won't be a problem. Then I can go to Quazzi Thanksgiving with my boyfriend.

Is it 10:00 already?

I'm tired. This rotation is exhausting. Today we had 6 consults to see. Consults are brand new patients to our service that the primary team has asked us to see. This means we have to do a complete H & P on them and attempt to figure out everything about them in a short time. This is on top of the 15 or so patients that are already on our service. As the student I don't have it quite as bad. I only have 4 patients and get 1 or 2 consults, depending on how busy we are. The other 2 docs get the rest. I was able to get rid of two of my patients. Gotta do my part to pare down our list. We are definitely earning our money this week. In my case I'm getting my money's worth of learning. Just think, I'm actually paying to work my ass off. On the plus side, I only have one more semester of tuition to pay. After the first of the year I will be done paying medical school tuition for the rest of my life. If I ever write a check to my medical school again it will be as an alum giving a donation.

Alright, I am going to finish watching the news and then it's off to bed.

Today I saw the best thing

I have one patient who has an intra abdominal abscess that we are consulting on. He wasn't responding all that well to antibiotics at first. His white count kept climbing, he was running high fevers and despite a drain in his belly, he kept getting more distended. His pain kept increasing and he would have random bouts of muscle spasms that would basically double him over. The pain meds we were giving him made him loopy.

Yesterday he finally turned the corner. We changed pain meds and his mental state cleared considerably. His white count came down 4 points and he is finally afebrile. He is still pretty distended and has a fair amount of abdominal pain. We have another CT scan in the works to figure that out. He is finally getting better though.

His wife has hardly left his bedside the entire time he has been in the hospital. This is despite that fact that she has to wear a protective gown and gloves just to be in the room. She is there to help answer our questions, keep him company, talk to him even though he couldn't always talk back. She was there because she loved him and wanted to give him all the support she could.

I am looking forward to the day that I have that. I know that it might be awhile, but I don't mind waiting for something that good. The best thing about coming to terms with being gay and accepting that it is part of who I am means I can look forward to things like that. It has taken awhile, but I can see myself growing old with a guy I love. This is a pretty big step for me.

Anyone looking for a boyfriend?!

Is this what I want?

Do you ever wonder if you are actually going to be any good at your chosen field? For some reason today I started questioning my ability to be a physician. I'm not sure exactly what was different about today, but I just felt incredibly incompetent. I started Infectious Disease today which has the potential to be very interesting. I went to see new consults today like I have on every other consult service I've been on. I look up the patient's info, go see the patient and then report to my attending physician. I can't think of anything all that different about today that would provoke this feeling in me. It makes me think that this feeling of inadequacy has been increasing over time like some insidious slow growing cancer.

It makes me wonder if I have really chosen the right profession. I had decided I wanted to be a doctor when I was pretty young and have been running down that path every since. My family and friends have always said that I will make an excellent doc some day and I have to wonder if I didn't keep pursuing this because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I started undergrad with a biochemistry/molecular biology major. Sometime sophomore year I decided to add a business major to the mix. I always said it was my "backup plan" but secretly I wondered if I shouldn't start down that road instead. Instead I just finished them both. I took the MCAT, applied to medical school and was accepted to a few. This solidified my plan and medicine is where I ended up. Sometimes I wonder though if I wouldn't have been happier in business. As masochistic as it sounds I had a fascination with the tax system. I probably would have ended up owning a tax accounting business for individuals and small businesses.

Well, I think I need some sleep. I'm exhausted and need to be at the VA early tomorrow morning for an ID conference. I have never been there before and have no idea how long it will take to get there during rush hour traffic. I think the conference is only for the morning and then back to my hospital in the afternoon to see patients. With a little luck tomorrow I won't feel quite so inadequate.

I'm starting to hate myself

I just got a phone call from a girl I had worked with a few times this past week. She is an audiologist at the ENT clinic I was at. We worked together a few times and seemed to hit it off a bit. I do find her attractive and had a good time talking to her while we were working on patients. At the end of the rotation she said she had a great time with me and that we should get together sometime. She had previously mentioned that I should come and hang out with her and her friends at uptown sometime, which I heard but let slide because I knew the implication behind her proposal. I thought I had gotten off the hook until the last day. I couldn't just walk away and hurt her feelings so of course we exchanged phone numbers. I had forgotten the issue until she called just now. She left a message asking if I wanted to get together for coffee or drinks sometime this week.

I have a problem. This is not a new or even rare occurrence. I should have figured out the perfect way to go about this by now. I just feel as though I have to spare everyone's feelings. I have no idea which is better. Should I stand firm with an initial denial or brush her off later in the week if she calls. I have no idea which is worse. I honestly like this girl and don't want her to feel that I am not going out with her because she is lacking in qualities or characteristics that men find attractive. At the same time I'm not out which means I need to protect my secret. I can't just tell her the real reason why there will never be a relationship.

Life would seemingly be so much easier if I was out. I really need to deal with this soon.

Last night

I went on a date last night. It wasn't with a guy though. It was with the girl I ended up making out with a few months back. About the middle of the week after that evening, she called and asked if I wanted to get some coffee sometime. I was a little reluctant at first but eventually said that we could meet at a Caribou Coffee near where she lives. I had met her once before and she seemed like a nice girl, someone I would most likely have as one of my friends.

I started this knowing exactly what I was doing. I knew I was gay, but at the same time I was holding on to a fading ideal that had me married to a woman, having kids, etc. I thought I could try one last time to make a straight relationship work. It seemed like it was something I had to at least try lest I spend the rest of my life wondering if I had missed something. Had God placed this woman into my life at that specific moment to lead me down a different path? A path that would lead me to "happiness" and away from being gay? Could I really have just been going through a phase where I thought I was attracted to men?

We've spent some time together since then; alone and with our mutual friends. We spent last weekend up north and had a wonderful time. Last night was even great. We hung out at home for a while, went out for Chinese, came home to watch a movie and then just hung out some more. The conversation wasn't the least bit forced, we have quite a bit in common and enjoy each other's company. I could see myself settling down with her, even though we've only known each other these few short months. Looking over at her on the couch I couldn't help but wish that she was actually a he.

Since our first passionate make out session a while back we have had no additional intimacy. No kissing, no cuddling on the couch, no real hand holding to speak of. We've hugged hello and goodbye which is the extent of our physical contact. This has everything to do with me and should be a clue to me as to where my true feelings lie. I have kept stumbling forward with this pseudo-relationship, not willing to let it die because that would mean finally admitting to myself that whatever thread of straightness I was hanging onto had disappeared. I can't help but wonder if she doesn't suspect that there is something more to me than meets the eye.

I really can't keep up this charade much longer. While I enjoy spending time with this girl, I know with near perfect certainty that there is no romantic future for us. It's not fair of me to let her think otherwise any longer. It may not have ever been fair to use her in this capacity without her knowledge. I had to know for myself though that I had given myself every opportunity to live up to the standard that is expected of me. I needed this not only for my family and friends, but moreso for me.

I have become quite attached to this girl over the last couple months. During this entire process I have never intended to hurt her. I need to let her know the truth. This scares the hell out of me. I feel as though I owe her something and need to be as forthcoming as possible when we talk. This would include telling her I am gay. I'm afraid of her reaction. I expect anger and disappointment. I'm not sure if I could deal with resentment, bitterness and a potential end to our friendship. She will also be only the second person I've told I was gay. If everything goes poorly there is nothing to stop her from telling our mutual friends what is going on in my life. I'm not yet sure I am ready to tell the entire world my secret. I guess that in this situation I'll just have to play my hand and let the cards fall as they will.

Part of me regrets ever accepting the invitation to coffee. I could have nipped this in the bud then and not be in this situation now. On the other hand this had brought me to a stronger conviction about what I feel and has the potential to at least get the ball rolling for me. I think that I've developed a rapport strong enough with her that no matter how disappointed she is, she will keep my confidence. My more pragmatic side thinks that the reality of the situation is she is going to be pissed. She has every right. In other words anything could happen.

I'm sort of at a loss, does anyone else have any ideas?

Medicine is amazing

Today was my last day of ENT. We performed a laryngectomy on a guy with recurrent laryngeal cancer. He had previously been radiated. This time around there was apparently some mets to his tonsil and lymph nodes. Not a good situation. We had to take out his larynx which includes his voice box and part of his trachea. The result is a permanent tracheotomy with an inability to speak for a time. We placed a tube that will allow air into his esophagus which with some training will allow him to speak. In the middle of this surgery I took a step back from the table to look at the guy in profile. It looked like we had almost decapitated the poor guy! We had him cut open from ear to ear with the incision dipping almost to his chest. The skin was dissected off from there up to his chin and then down to below the trachea. It's amazing how horrible something can look en route to the end result that everyone sees. A simple scar. I've never done a neck surgery before and let me tell you, it's pretty amazing. There are so many things that need to be taken into consideration while in the neck. There are arteries and veins going everywhere, not to mention nerves that control so many things. This was one of the most indepth surgeries I have been a part of to date. We started in the OR at 7:30 am and finally finished at 2:00 pm. All of this was accomplished without breaks. The only other surgery that came this close was a heart bypass I saw a few months back.

I've found another potential specialty to consider. Radiation Oncology. I spent a day doing that yesterday. We get little to no exposure to Radiation Oncology in either medical school or rotations, so I feel fortunate to have this one day. It's an amazing specialty. It's basically the ultimate combination of medicine and technology. They physics involved is even cool. That's saying a lot for me since my 2 semesters of general physics in undergrad was a somewhat painful experience.

You almost can't believe what they can do these days if you don't see it for yourself. The new machines can give radiation to tissues at incredibly precise levels. There is an incredible amount of time that goes into planning these treatments. You have to plot which structures you want to treat and which ones you want to avoid. You can actually treat one area and avoid giving any substantial radiation to an organ or tissue that is only a centimeter away. I love the combination of medicine and technology. I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a specialty after one day in the field though. I am planning on doing a month in medical oncology. Hopefully I'll be able to spend a few of those days with the radiation oncologists to get a better feel for what they do. The good news is that if I decide to pursue it I am headed in the right direction. Internal medicine is one way to get into the program.

There are so many things out there that I could see myself doing. I have no idea how I am going to choose the one that is right for me.

It's official (nearly)

The democrats have retaken both the senate and the house. I can't say that it is really a bad thing. I'm sure they will do things that I don't agree with, but of course so did the republican controlled congress. I was excited to see what was going to happen on election night and I wasn't disappointed.

I'm glad that my roommate of a few years ago got me interested in politics. I can't believe that I waited until I was 23 to get at least intellectually involved. There are so many things that I would like to do that I am really unable to now. I would love to help with the elections, but I can't really do that now that I am working full time. My roommate told me tonight that she thinks I should run for office someday. She thinks I would make a good politician. She said that if I was in a small town right now she has no doubt I would be involved in government somehow. I actually tend to agree. I grew up in a smallish town and can see that being the case. I attempted to get my mom to run for city council two years ago but didn't think it fit her. I guess I would consider getting involved more actively at some point; I just have no idea how that would happen at this stage. How does one just jump into politics? I also have my career to consider. I've spent somewhere in the vicinity of $250,000 on my undergrad and medical education so far. That isn't something you can just forget and start a political career.

I honestly have no idea why I'm even talking about this. Am I ever going to be actively involved in politics to the point that I would consider running for office? Probably not.

The incumbent governor in my state won reelection yesterday. This has me exceedingly happy. He started out pretty much as conservative as he possible, but has gradually moved toward the center. I think he is doing a great job and am looking forward to the next 4 years with him at the helm. Both the state senate and house are now democrat controlled. I don't think it will throw the state government into gridlock though. I think that both sides are now willing to work through the differences to make sure our state stays at the top where it has been for many years.

I'm not sure what is going to happen nationally, I think there is a lot of bitterness that needs to work itself out. I think that locally, things here will end up going extremely well.

More hotness

I just finished watching Prison Break. It's still a decent show, though it's not as good as it was in the beginning. Wentworth Miller however is just as hot now as ever.

Good times

I had an amazing weekend up north. We left Saturday morning on our 3 1/2 hour drive. I helped one of my friends grade math exams that her 6th graders had taken on Friday. Grading exams is actually kind of fun. I'm sure it was just the novelty of the situation. Doing it all the time has to get tiresome.

The hockey game was a lot of fun even though we had standing room only tickets. The $25 tickets were free to us though so we didn't complain too much. We eventually found a couple of seats that had been abandoned by their occupants at the end of the second period. Even though the game was excellent and went into overtime, my friends' alma mater came out on the losing side. Celebration was inevitable though as we were back in the city where they had collectively spent 14 years of their lives. Yes, two of them were super seniors. 4 bars and multiple drinks later we found our way back to our room in the Radisson. Amazingly none of us were the least bit drunk.

My friends are hilarious. I really didn't stop laughing the entire weekend. You know those people who honk their cars horns and yell random things at the people walking along the street? Yeah, those are my friends. This weekend was the beginning of deer hunting here. On the way home we decided to count deer. Alive, dead on road, and dead on cars. Six of them were dead on cars. We actually saw one deer that was strapped onto the roof of a trailblazer, complete with blood running down the rear window. This of course was the "white trash" way to transport a dead deer according to one of my friends. So, not only did we count, but we would honk and give the thumbs up sign to everyone we passed with a deer in tow. This is just a taste of what makes my friends hilarious. They are not always quite this crazy, but most of the rest is stuff that isn't all that funny unless you are in the moment or have a fairly lengthy history together.

One thing I did notice that I hadn't previously is how negative one of my friends is towards gays. She consistently used the word gay negatively and also used faggot quite a bit. Of course it was always derogatory. She does have a couple gay friends which she seems to be okay with, but I sort of wonder if she just tolerates them and if her true feelings come out when she isn't around them. None of them know that I am gay so she would have no reason to temper her comments in my presence. What I witnessed this weekend combined with a little of what else I know now kind of has me worried about her reaction when I tell her I am gay. She is married to my best friend from high school and we are all very close. I had always thought that coming out to them would not be that big of a deal, but now I'm not quite so sure. I know that my friend will have no problem at all, but I don't want to cause problems if she does. I know that I shouldn't worry, and that my true friends will accept me no matter what. I have a hard time though as I just don't like to stir the pot all that much in situations like these.

So, even though I now have some concerns about coming out to this particular group of friends based upon observations over the weekend, overall it was a great time. I did spend all together too much money though. Between eating out, the hotel, going out and buying a few random things today I dropped over $200. Probably not the best thing to do when I am a student and have no earned income. What could I do though, I have to take a break and have some fun once in awhile.

Here is the view we had from our hotel room.

Finally

It is finally Friday.

Tomorrow morning I am heading up north with a few friends for the weekend. We'll just hang out most of tomorrow, but then in the evening we are going to a college hockey game. It's the alma mater of my friends vs the main university. It should be a good time. As a bonus, I love the city that we are heading to. That just makes it that much better.

As a side note, I've been invited to two more interviews. I've also been flat out rejected by another. 5/6 so far though isn't all that bad.

Good mentor

I've been pretty lucky during my rotations. For nearly every rotation I've had a doc who actually likes to have students and is willing to take time out of his day to teach. Each doc has a different style, but at this stage in my career that is a good thing for me. It allows me to figure out exactly what my style is going to be. I can borrow some of the things I like and ignore any of the things I don't.

Sometimes we delve into more personal issues. Today we ended up talking about retirement and personal finance (my current doc is a bit older and nearing retirement). He was telling me about how important it is to begin saving early and to make sure that you have an actual investment advisor. You need someone to make sure you are staying on track and who will give you good advice to grow your investments.

This was one of the rare instances where I actually knew all about what he was talking about. I was a business major in undergrad so I at least know the lingo. I've also been saving for retirement in a Roth IRA since I was 18. I definitely appreciated him talking to me about this though. Most doctors never learn anything about the business side of medicine which is a shame.

It's great to have mentors who will talk to you about things like this which fall outside of what they are required to help you learn. I've learned so much in the past year about medicine and becoming a physician. I've also learned a great deal about life in general. There are really quite a few amazing physicians out there. I hope that one day I can contribute to a medical student's future career like my docs have done for me.